My Little Boy!!!

My little boy turned 6 today! I can not believe it....I posted some pictures of him that were young and up to date...He sure is cute...but I have to say I remember when I bought him home from the hospital...it seems like such a long time ago, yet I can still see the little Hawaii apartment, the feelings that I had then and how scared I was to be in charge of another human! I ran across this paper that I did for a class in Hawaii and thought I would share. I have to admit this is mostly for me, that way I will never loss these thoughts again. So here goes: (Warning very long)
Motherhood
I was comfortable where I was at, why did it have to change. There I was lying in the hospital bed looking at a beautiful baby boy that I, yes little old me, had just given birth to. Not even 48 hours ago I had been at home with my husband and my mother. We had been laughing and playing cards. Now here I was laying in the hospital, around three in the morning, with an 8lb 1 oz little boy lying next to me, tying so hard to eat.
As I looked around the hospital room, I felt like I was seeing it for the first time. The curtains that lined the wall seemed to be calling to me to open them nd let the moonlight in; the dim yellow light from the bathroom cast an accent over the room. I could make out the empty chair in the corner, where I wished my husband laid. The room seemed very alone and empty. Just me, my baby and the machines were the only ones that made noise. As the IV dripped into my arm, I could feel the cool sensation that it created, thankful for the little bit of nutrition it was giving me. I sure was hungry. I wish one of those fussy nursed would come in and give me some food.
I looked down at the precious face of the baby, he had eyebrows, they were defiantly my husbands, and the nose was not mine. I looked closely at the mouth, yes that was my mouth, a thin upper lip that fell gracefully on the bottom lip. Whose hands and feet did he have I wondered. I unwrapped the sleeping babe and looked, such prefect hands and feet, nope not mine...must be my husband's. I feel asleep crying thinking to myself how could I do this, how could I take care of this little tine person. was I really ready? I had to be ready! This was the last thought that crossed my mind before drifting of to sleep.
As we traveled home from the hospital the next day, everything looked so different to me, it was as if I had been in the front row of a movie theater. Everything seemed to be a blur and hard to understand what was really going on. Now I was in the back row with a much crisper and better picture of the world. I was a Mother. Not just a wife or student, but now a Mother. I sat in awe the rest of the way home.
As I followed my husband into our little Temple View Apartment, looking around the firts thing that I saw was a black and white picture of Christ holding a baby in his arms, soothing the baby. A sudden knot went to my throat as I suppressed the feeling of tears coming on. What a beautiful site it was. I was overcome with joy, pure simple joy. Did Christ have children of his own here on earth, I asked myself. Why not, how else could he have know the over whelming joy of holding a little baby in his arms?
Then I thought of his mother, Mary. What she must have felt like when she gave birth, in a stable nonetheless. I have something in common with Mary, sweet wonderful Mary. Motherhood. A wonderful and awe-inspiring gift, the knowledge that this Little being is a part of you.
The next image that I came across was a picture of our wedding day, outside the Boise Temple. Looking at that picture it seemed so long ago; the two people in the picture were holding each other with big smiles on their faces. So bright and ready for the future, they seemed so young to me. I was not that much older then time. It had only been three years. What had changed, I wondered. It was me,I had changed, my husband had changed, and we had done it together.
I walked into the back bedroom to put my bag away; there was the crib all ready for the baby. I had not noticed it before. It had been there for a couple of months, but now it seemed to take up the whole room. Laying the sleeping baby down, I had to sudden urge to take a shower. I wanted to wash off the newness of this situation. I wanted to make the scene seem familiar to me, I felt lost and alone. The baby started to cry.
Going back into the front room, I sat down on the couch that seemed to short; my husband gave me the baby so that I could nurse him. As I sat there and watched the tiny mouth look for food, I had to remind myself that this was a baby. Moreover, he was not just a baby, but mine. His name...Jesiah. The name seemed to fit him, he looked like a Jesiah.
After the feeding, he feel asleep, oh, what bliss that was. My husband took Jesiah from me and held him. So this was it, this was out little family that we have started. This was the new beginning to what the rest of our life was. Things started to seem more familiar to me now.
I could hear children playing outside, laughing and yelling. I wanted to go to the door and tell them to be quite...my Jesiah was sleeping. Fighting the urge, I went into the bedroom and laid on the bed. It was time for me to take a nap. I wanted to wake up refreshed and ready for my new life.
As I laid on the bed my mind turned again to Mary. Tears welled up in my eyes, I realized that Jesus was a baby at one time too...just like Jesiah is. I thought of the Christmas story, the the birth of Christ. But for the first time I started to think about what Mary must have felt. How long did they stay in that barn with the newborn baby? He was fresh from the veil and helpless lying in that stable as shepherds came to see him. Mary was so brave and courageous to let people come. Did she take time out to nurse her babe? What must it have been like for her? I am sure that just the pure joy of knowing that this is your child and you are the only one that can care for him, was all she needed to get thought whatever was coming. I suddenly didn't feel so along...Millions of women have shared in this joy. My finial thought as my eyes closed was that pure joy, what a wonderful feeling that was.